This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes to get a beer.

I was a young person once, shortly after the polar ice caps retreated, and I distinctly recall believing that virtually all adults were clueless goobers.

I think Twitter is kind of fun, it's not deep and it never will be, but it's a great way to communicate one-liners and to sort of see what people are laughing about. It's a terrific source of misinformation.

Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.

When you say you don't think we should have public schools, they can't believe you mean that. You must mean that they should be smaller. But you can't really mean no public schools.

The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.

Sign at a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.