The other major kind of computer is the "Apple," which I do not recommend, because it is a wuss-o-rama New-Age computer you basically just plug in and use.

Classical music gradually lost popularity because it is too complicated: you need twenty-five or thirty skilled musicians just to hum it properly. So people began to develop regular music.

Sign at a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished?

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

DNA is an abbreviation for deoxyribonucleicantidisestablishmentarianism, a complex string of syllables.

You can say any fool thing to a dog and the dog will just give you this look that says, 'My GOSH, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that!

In the Bowling Alley of Tomorrow, there will even be machines that wear rental shoes and throw the ball for you. Your sole function will be to drink beer.