Back then, the entire Internet consisted of two slow, boxcar-sized UNIVAC computers about 50 feet apart, connected by a wire. It would take one of these computers an entire day to send an email to the other one, which would immediately delete it, because it was a Viagra ad.

Canada, as you know, is a major important nation boasting a sophisticated, cosmopolitan culture that was tragically destroyed last week by beavers.

I'm one of those people who tells my wife, "No coaching from the sidelines."

Never have a dog. Let's not beat around the bush here: dogs are morons.

If for some reason you are unsure where to go, all you have to do is stand there looking lost, and within seconds a helpful New Yorker will approach to see if you have any "spare" change.

The places where trails do not exist are not well marked.

I really try to think cinematically, because that's how people read. They create a theater in their minds.