Washington is nicknamed "The Evergreen State" because it sounds better than "The Incessant Nagging Drizzle State."

Do not spit gum in the drinking fountains.

I don't know what you can possibly do for less than $50 to have somebody come in your house.

Back then, the entire Internet consisted of two slow, boxcar-sized UNIVAC computers about 50 feet apart, connected by a wire. It would take one of these computers an entire day to send an email to the other one, which would immediately delete it, because it was a Viagra ad.

I still think of myself as a newspaper guy and you live by deadlines in the newspaper world, so, they don't really give you any excuses. At the paper they never say, "Well, we just won't have Tuesday's paper come out, we'll just bring Tuesday's paper out on Wednesday, so go ahead, take all the time you need." They come out with that paper regardless.

I bet that if you actually read the entire vastness of the U.S. Tax Code, you'd find at least one sex scene . . .

And what is the Scientific Community doing about these problems, young people? THEY'RE CLONING SHEEP. Great! Just what we need! Sheep that look MORE ALIKE than they already do! Thanks a lot, Scientific Community!