I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful, and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government.

This book is dedicated to Wilbur and Orville Wright, without whom air sickness would still be just a dream.

Is there a medical rule that requires doctors-office personnel to treat you as though you have the IQ of a Cheeto?

I bought Windows 2.0, Windows 3.0, Windows 3.1415926, Windows 95, Windows 98, Windows ME, Windows RSVP, The Best of Windows, Windows Strikes Back, Windows Does Dallas, and Windows Let's All Buy Bill Gates a House the Size of Vermont.

I don't have any insight or understanding on anything about the government. All I think is that it's stupid - which is the one perspective that's almost completely lacking in Washington.

Database: the information you lose when your memory crashes.