If I can make a teacher's salary doing comedy, I think that's better than being a teacher.

What is wrong with me i just bought a bag of weed from an infant.

Jerry Seinfeld, he was doing Letterman show all the time, so he kind of had an excuse, that people know the jokes already. He didn't have time to do stand-up. A guy like me, I have no excuses.

The only way you can know where the line is, is if you cross it.

You've got to say 'yes' to your destiny. Life's happening right now, look around you. There goes some life. Come on, Mamma, live!

I got real important relationships in my life that are very empowering relationships.

If you're Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, and your marriage is breaking up - that's an awful thing. But to see that speculation in people, it's gotta sting a little bit.