I don't want anything bad to happen to the United States, but if North Korea ever drops a nuclear bomb on this country, I swear to God, I hope it lands in Hartford.

I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down!

Is this the 5:00 Free Crack Giveaway?

I think extreme sports are really good for relieving stress.

My wife asked me once if I weren't a comedian, what I would do. I couldn't answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.

I've been a comedian since I was fourteen. But I've never really been a CEO.

There's a lot of people who don't want anything from me but to laugh and have a good time. You see them at the show and they like - they dress up to come see your show and stuff. And they pack these auditoriums and it's a lot of fun, man. It's like, this is how I started, and it's still fun for me.