Dave Chappelle Quotes

I get a little heated when I talk about the past. But I wanted to be clear - I'm not mad at anybody - not anymore.

Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mm mm, nope. The house was too nice. It was a real nice house, but they'd never believe i lived in it. They'd be like 'He's still here!

I don't do drugs, though. Just weed.

Constantly take inventory of what's important to you.

One of the things that happens when people make the leap from a certain amount of money to tens of millions of dollars is that the people around you dramatically change.

I started when I was 14. I figured out that's what I wanted to do when I was 14. Even when I was six, I can remember people telling me, "You're gonna be a comedian," and all this stuff.

I have angst in my life, but I'm like anybody. We all have angst in our lives that we pick up and fidget with and then we put down and look at some other things that make us feel good or enjoy our lives.

The way the people around you position themselves around you to get in your pockets and in your mind is infuriating to me.

If I can make a teacher's salary doing comedy, I think that's better than being a teacher.

I want to tell my jokes. I want to have time with my children. I want to entertain people. And at one point, I'll walk away from show business. But I don't want to walk away empty-handed.

Ralph Nader has slavery reparations on his platform, which makes me think he's not serious. If he thought he could win he wouldn't even say that.

I felt in a lot of instances I was deliberately being put through stress because when you're a guy who generates money, people have a vested interest in controlling you.

I don't want the money. I don't want the drama. I just want to do my show. I want to have fun again.

If I put forth a legitimate effort, then I feel like, if that doesn't work out, that's all I can do.

People don't know what it's like standing up there onstage, when you have a wall of people smiling at you.

I'm an introspective dude.

I think one artist to another artist, the best compliment you can pay one another, because the part of you that is inspired or creates something, to write a joke or a song, that's like the God-like part of a person.

I don't do any jokes that old. I might have maybe one or two jokes from high school that I still do.

After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.

I love the fact that I have a show where you can run over a kid and everyone busts out laughing.

Who goes from America to Africa for medical attention?

I just always loved stand-up. It's like magic. You say something, and a whole room full of people laughs together. Say something else, they laugh again. The fact that people come to see that and participate in that... I don't know, it's just like magic.

The world can't tell you who you are. You've just got to figure out who you are and be there, for better or worse.

There's not too many people that don't think I'm crazy, for walking away from so much money. I'm at a restaurant with my wife, it's a nice restaurant, we're eating dinner. I look across the room, I say, 'You see this guy over here, across the room? He has $100 million.' And we're eating the same entree. So, OK, fine, I don't have $50 million or whatever it was, but say I have $10 million in the bank. The difference in lifestyle is miniscule.

The biggest enemy of an artist is apathy... A kid gets killed by the police and I buy a T-shirt and before I can wear that one, there's another kid (killed) and I'm running out of closet space.

What is wrong with me i just bought a bag of weed from an infant.

My wife asked me once if I weren't a comedian, what I would do. I couldn't answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.

Stand-up is the kind of gig that'll show you where you're at.

I've been a comedian since I was fourteen. But I've never really been a CEO.

The language you are about to hear... is disturbing.

You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.

When I'm on stage, I get real happy there. Maybe that's the only time in my adult life I feel like myself.

New white people, you can't scare these white people, I tried.

Because I was surrounded by so much negativity at some point that it took me going back and doing stand-up to realize, you know, people really like me.

Weed's not as bad as everything else... 'cause weed is a background substance. You know what I mean, you can smoke some herb and still function. You ain't crisp... but you'll function.

I got my hat pulled up low and no one can really see me. I'm ducked out. People do recognize me, and I have a pretty interesting fan base. It's a diverse group.

I still think people do have racial hang-ups, but I think one of the reasons I can joke about it is people are shedding those racial hatreds.

Most people don't know what it's like to stand up there and speak their mind. I have a venue to do that. I get paid to do that. It's not like I'm doing heavy lifting up there. It's not like I'm solving the world's problems. It's like I'm hanging out with a bunch of people and it's cool.

Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.

There's a lot of people who don't want anything from me but to laugh and have a good time. You see them at the show and they like - they dress up to come see your show and stuff. And they pack these auditoriums and it's a lot of fun, man. It's like, this is how I started, and it's still fun for me.

What that’s allowed me to do is have a vantage point about my own life that's accessible to people still. I could see a guy walking down the street and be like, Even though I'm famous, I got more in common with this guy than, like, Brad Pitt.

If someone sits and stares at you while you eat, you won't even eat the way you normally do, because it'll make you so uncomfortable. If I look at my dog when he's eating, he will look at me like, "Dave, I will bite you. What are you looking at? I'm trying to eat." It's something that dehumanizes a person, being on display like that.

If you're Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, and your marriage is breaking up - that's an awful thing. But to see that speculation in people, it's gotta sting a little bit.

I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator.

The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive.

I got real important relationships in my life that are very empowering relationships.

Fame for me is like a place, a country I'm taking a tour through.

My kids look actually happy. And I learned early on that perfectionism and parenthood is a toxic combination for everybody involved. In other words, so many things can flourish naturally. All you gotta do is make sure the soil's right. I view myself more like a guide than a ruler.