The only thing harder than leaving show business is coming back.

Jerry Seinfeld, he was doing Letterman show all the time, so he kind of had an excuse, that people know the jokes already. He didn't have time to do stand-up. A guy like me, I have no excuses.

Ralph Nader has slavery reparations on his platform, which makes me think he's not serious. If he thought he could win he wouldn't even say that.

My father told me 'Name your price in the beginning. If it ever gets more expensive than the price you name, get out of there.'

I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator.

The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark.

I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.