My father told me 'Name your price in the beginning. If it ever gets more expensive than the price you name, get out of there.'

Why don't you click your heels three times and go back to Africa.

I've been a comedian since I was fourteen. But I've never really been a CEO.

Everyone around me says, You're a genius! You're great! That's your voice! But I'm not sure if they're right.

I always take a relationship to the next level. If that works out, I take it to the next level after that, until I finally reach that level when it becomes absolutely necessary for me to leave.

I enjoy my own thoughts sometimes.

I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator.