Why don't you click your heels three times and go back to Africa.

If someone sits and stares at you while you eat, you won't even eat the way you normally do, because it'll make you so uncomfortable. If I look at my dog when he's eating, he will look at me like, "Dave, I will bite you. What are you looking at? I'm trying to eat." It's something that dehumanizes a person, being on display like that.

I get a little heated when I talk about the past. But I wanted to be clear - I'm not mad at anybody - not anymore.

A celebrity, whatever I am, you get cut off sometimes from people just by circumstance.

I don't do any jokes that old. I might have maybe one or two jokes from high school that I still do.

I don't care if I ever work in TV again.

My wife asked me once if I weren't a comedian, what I would do. I couldn't answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.