You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.

I'm famous today. People like me today. Might not like me tomorrow. You can't count on it.

I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down!

The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.

I don't really frick with Africa cause people are starving to death and that's not ballin' to me.

Everyone who wants to make it in comedy goes to L.A., so a million comedians fight for time on three stages. If you get in there in New York, you're working eight times a night sometimes. Who's going to be funny, the guy who works once a week, or the guy working eight times a night?

You can't get unfamous. You can get infamous but you can't get unfamous.