The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.

As far as just my stand-up is concerned, I don't care about changing anyone's mind. I'm not making an argument. I'm a guy doing comedy.

I stand by everything I said. I absolutely can defend my material, and I take issue with people who say, "It's just shock value. It's not even funny." I disagree. There's different ways to be funny and to be a comedian.

If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine.

There is also a kind of mean-spiritedness with LA comics.

I do believe that on a whole, women are definitely smarter than men... I also believe that dogs are smarter than women. No? That one, you don't believe it? You believe that I didn't do a series of tests? You are right to not believe it, because I'm going to go ahead and admit that I do not believe what I just said, it was what's described as a 'joke.' Um, I'll be telling a bunch of them here tonight.

I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.