I always wanted to be an outrage to public decency and a threat to women. And this is one of the few occupations where you're not only allowed that, but you're encouraged.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

They make this drink in Brazil Called cachaca. It's sugar can alcholho. Costs 35 cents a quart. One quart of that stuff and you see God. Two quarts and you graow a pair of tight pants and an electric guitar.

Give me a glazed doughnut, and a bottle of anything... to go!

Nobody's going to get a hot dog at my concert!

The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, then turns into a pizza!

When I die, sprinkle my ashes over the 80's.