I can teach you to jump up in five seconds-it takes years to learn how to land properly.

I would just like to say that after all these years of heavy drinking, bright lights and late nights, I still don't need glasses. I drink right out of the bottle.

What's missing is the testosterone. What's missing is the fury. What's missing is the passionate convicted commitment. And I got a lot of mine from my religious background. So y'all best stop imagining the way Dr. Zorba looked, or some defenseless Hasidic Jew with a little yarmulke on his head, 'cause that ain't here for you.

My visions and fantasies are pretty standard. The only difference is I got to do it, while most of us haven't. Beyond that, I'm a pretty standard guy. Give me a gal with a sense of humor, acidic wit, who's read a few books and has a body like a Swedish speed skater, and I'm quite content.

People say that life is a cesspool of darkness and dispair. Well we of Van Halen are sailing through it in a yacht!

The only people who put iced tea in Jack Daniel's bottles is the Clash baby!

You've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real.