Classic Van Halen made people want to dance and f**k. Modern Van Halen makes you want to drink milk and drive foreign cars.

Women are great. When they dig you, there's nothing they won't do. That kind of loyalty is hard to find - unless you've got a good dog.

I don't get all the women that I want... I get all the women that want me.

I knew already when I was seven years old, that I wanted to be on stage and entertain people. I sell laughs. Here, you got one for free!

When you can spell subpoena without thinking about it, that's when you know you've made it.

I think the two most difficult things to deal with in life are failure and success

Critics like Elvis Costello because critics are like Elvis Costello.