As you watch the Gary Condit interview, three words come to mind: stiff, unbending and impenetrable. And that's just his hair.

It looks like President Bush will be handing over power to the Iraqis by June 30th. That's amazing and not only that, but it looks like he'll be handing over power to the Democrats by November 2nd.

Welcome to the program. My name is Dave Letterman, and tonight I'm giving my two-week notice.

Incredible experience, watching a baby birth on the internet. It's now my screensaver.

You folks like TV, you watch a lot of TV? There's a show right here on CBS, it's a huge hit. It's called the "Mentalist." And it's about this guy who has a heightened sense of observation. It's miraculous; he's the only guy in the world who can tell the difference between Sarah Palin and Tina Fey.

Vladimir Putin said the tanks that you see rolling through the streets are just part of the closing ceremonies of the Olympics.

Did you folks see President Bush's State of the Union Address? How about that surprise announcement? Howard Dean has been captured and he's in the hands of interrogators.