Public service announcement: In case of a terrorist attack, bottled water and duct tape are not going to do a damn thing. So do what Homeland Security Dir. Tom Ridge does: Get really drunk, and pick up a hooker.
David LettermanNow in Utah if you get the death sentence, they have the firing squad. In Russia, they call that early retirement.
David LettermanI have talents aplenty. Unfortunately, precious few of them have any redeeming social value.
David Letterman