President Bush announced he has a five-point strategy for getting out of Iraq. Points six through 10 will be handled by the Kerry administration.
David LettermanThe morning after I had my heart bypass, the doctor called and said, Soon you'll be able to have sex. I said, I've heard that for years.
David LettermanYou know you've had too much to eat for Christmas dinner when you slump down onto a beanbag and realize... there is no beanbag.
David LettermanPresident Obama went to India, South Korea, then Japan. He's going to keep travelling until he finds his birth certificate.
David Letterman