The first presidential debate was down in Florida. Residents spent all day putting plywood on their televisions.

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.

Vladimir Putin said the tanks that you see rolling through the streets are just part of the closing ceremonies of the Olympics.

It was stupid behaviour. And you take a look at the explosion, and it knocks you down and you wake up every morning and you're scared and you're depressed and sad, and you kind of got to let that knock you down and knock you down.

Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid says he will not seek re-election. Harry said he wants to spend more time with his family. As I always say, check with your family.

My political position is that I'm happy to be alive and in North America.

Mayor de Blasio has legalized ferrets. Now you can legally own ferrets in New York City. I want to tell you something. If I want to see anymore beady-eyed little weasels, I'll just keep riding the subway.