How would Trump travel as president? Obviously, he'd use Hair Force One.

I believe I have voted for both Democrats and Republicans. Am I either one? Absolutely not. Ladies and gentlemen, I am an American.

They found a cave once lived in by Osama bin Laden and the only thing in the cave were some boxer undershorts, and macaroni. I'm telling you, you add an old stack of Playboys, this could be my place. It's like I have a twin.

In Hollywood, Oscar is king.

Barack Obama's busy moving into the White House. Earlier today, John McCain was blowing on his soup.

They figured out a way to control that hamburger disease. You dip the hamburger into the scalding hot coffee before eating.

Economists believe there are three reasons why the Russian economy is doing so poorly. One, economic sanctions are working. Number two, low-price oil. And number three, Lindsay Lohan has quit drinking vodka.