Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling ya, this guy is presidential material.

Here's some news from Afghanistan. We're sending more troops to seal up the borders. Can we try that here? Three months, 12,000 pounds of bombs and billions and billions of dollars and the highest ranking enemy we've captured so far is an American.

So they caught Gadhafi in a storm sewer and shot him. Or as they call it in the Middle East, an orderly transfer of power.

The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade has new balloons this year including the Pillsbury Doughboy balloon and the first openly gay balloon. Also the Thomas Tank Engine balloon, and they even have the Ebola nurse balloon.

George W. said he doesn't watch television. And, of course, well - the reason for that is the Clintons stole the White House satellite system.

I think you can use some of those words on TV. But one thing you can't do is throw coffee, I've said it over and over again!

President Obama has two years left as president. I wouldn't be surprised if he gets to appoint two new Kardashian husbands.