People say we need royalty. We have royalty in the United States - the Kardashians.

The Academy Awards are passed out on Sunday. It's voted by members of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. Or as I call them, 50 shades of white.

Do you know what I'm going to do when I retire? I hope to become the new face of Scientology.

So the guy who shot Gadhafi was wearing a Yankees cap. Did you see that? If he'd had a Boston Red Sox hat on he probably would have missed.

Back when we started this show, the hottest program on television was 'Keeping Up With the Gabors.'

A small handgun makes any TV remote control.

John Kerry went duck hunting and he's doing that to fulfill his campaign pledge to hunt down the ducks and kill them wherever they are! Kerry did pretty well; he came back with four ducks and three Purple Hearts.