Last night we had Bill Clinton, the former president. Security was as tight as Governor Christie's yoga pants.

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

I heard this rumor that al Qaeda is merging with Hamas. Yeah, I got that tip from Martha Stewart.

New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.

Ted Cruz could be president of the United States. If you thought the Secret Service was drinking before

Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of the United States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family.

Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential hopeful, boxed former heavyweight champion of the world Evander Holyfield for charity. It was a horrible moment when Romney bit off Holyfield's other ear.