Last night we had Bill Clinton, the former president. Security was as tight as Governor Christie's yoga pants.

Here's some news from Afghanistan. We're sending more troops to seal up the borders. Can we try that here? Three months, 12,000 pounds of bombs and billions and billions of dollars and the highest ranking enemy we've captured so far is an American.

The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade has new balloons this year including the Pillsbury Doughboy balloon and the first openly gay balloon. Also the Thomas Tank Engine balloon, and they even have the Ebola nurse balloon.

Barack Obama's busy moving into the White House. Earlier today, John McCain was blowing on his soup.

Donald Trump announced that he is not running for president. He would rather spend his time making Gary Busey sell Snapple on the street.

It is cold down in Washington, DC. They had to use an ice scraper on John Boehner's face to get the tears off, it was so cold.

New Orleans: The least annoying French place on Earth.