The European countries are really hoping to do well in the Olympics. If they win gold medals, they can use them as cash.

Mitt Romney is running for president again. That will be attempt No. 3. Well, everybody needs a hobby. He's almost certainly running, and I'm almost certainly retiring, so I don't care.

Bill Murray is on the show tonight. Next week I'll be Goggling 'foods that improve prostate health.'

The general election's taking place today in Iraq, so I guess that means we're one step closer to being there for another 10 years.

The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. Isn't that a little high?

There's a rumor that President George Bush had a nose job, that he had some kind of plastic surgery, that he actually had a nose job. If this is true, that's the first new job he's created since taking office.

I have talents aplenty. Unfortunately, precious few of them have any redeeming social value.