According to the recent polls, Bush has a slight lead over John Kerry. So today, Bush hung a banner over the White House saying, 'Mission Accomplished.'

I have talents aplenty. Unfortunately, precious few of them have any redeeming social value.

Back when we started this show, the hottest program on television was 'Keeping Up With the Gabors.'

One of the dogs in the competition, a Portuguese Water Dog, is related to President Obama's dog, Bo. But they only see each other at funerals and weddings.

We're learning more about Osama bin Laden. His father was married 16 times, and he has five wives. I think we're getting to the root of his intense anger. And they say bin Laden never spends the night in the same place twice. No, wait a minute, that's Clinton.

John McCain turned 72 years old last Friday, but the Chinese are making him a birth certificate that says he's only 33 and then he'll be ready to go.

God forbid I should be the last one to criticize, but I think may be Howard Dean has a bit of a problem because earlier today during a debate in New Hampshire, he bit off Joe Lieberman's ear.