Here's the plot of 'Interstellar.' Refugees - they're known as Democrats - they're looking for a new planet.

Mitt Romney is not going to be running for president. So you know what that means. We are getting closer and closer to 'President Trump.'

The United States has launched airstrikes against ISIS. It's being called 'Operation Approval Ratings.'

When I stopped smoking cigars it was the biggest mistake I made in my life. So my resolution for 98 is Im going to start smoking cigars again. I gave them up about a year and a half ago, and I now realize that it may have been my one last fun, interesting thing to do.

The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.

Have you seen a copy of Tax Tips for Billionaires?

Because you think an explosion has taken place and you're looking at the shards and you say, 'Well, can we put this back together?' And by God, maybe you can put it back together. And maybe it won't be the same, but maybe it will be different, and maybe it can even be better in a different way.