Every day is President's Day when you have an intern!

John Kerry says that foreign leaders want him to be president, but that he can't name the foreign leaders. That's all right, President Bush can't name them either.

You know you've had too much to eat for Christmas dinner when you slump down onto a beanbag and realize... there is no beanbag.

Yesterday was Election Day. If we have any Democrats in the audience, I'm sorry but you're going to have to give up your seats.

The general election's taking place today in Iraq, so I guess that means we're one step closer to being there for another 10 years.

Hillary's trying to appear downhome. Earlier today she was sitting on the front porch of a general store whittling a pantsuit.

John McCain turned 72 years old last Friday, but the Chinese are making him a birth certificate that says he's only 33 and then he'll be ready to go.