President Obama is in China. Today he visited the kids who make our cellphones.

Congratulations to Bill and Hillary Clinton: this weekend, 33rd wedding anniversary. How about that? And you thought the Iraqi war was a never-ending conflict.

Presidential hopeful Jeb Bush has released all of his emails. I'd like to release all of my emails. I've got nothing but emails about low-cost funerals and Viagra.

After my bypass surgery I knew I had to change my lifestyle, and then it occured to me - I don't have a lifestyle.

In a recent interview, Howard Dean admitted that he used to drink and smoke pot. So, now all he needs to put him over the top is a sex scandal.

Here in New York City, it's cold. It's so cold the Republicans want to use the Keystone Pipeline to deliver soup.

I know you're on the Atkins diet, but could you stop eating bacon during sex?