Iraqi's minister of information did not show up for his press conference today. However, he claims he was there and he said it went very well.

Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential hopeful, boxed former heavyweight champion of the world Evander Holyfield for charity. It was a horrible moment when Romney bit off Holyfield's other ear.

Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton.

I'll be honest with you. It's beginning to look like I'm not going to get 'The Tonight Show.'

President Obama and his wife are going to Kenya. Donald Trump said, 'While you're there, pick up your birth certificate.'

My political position is that I'm happy to be alive and in North America.

I like Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy who comes with the picture frame.