You know who's upset now with ISIS? Al Qaeda. It's because ISIS is getting more attention than Al Qaeda. So now, Saturday night will be Ayman al-Zawahiri bobblehead night.

Night clubs scare me. They're dark and they stink and they're dangerous and everybody's drunk.

The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. Isn't that a little high?

Donald Trump may be running for president. He said he is sick and tired of the rest of the world laughing at the United States. Well, President Trump will certainly put an end to that.

Our guest tonight is Michelle Obama, first lady of the United States. She's here to announce her run for president.

Presidential hopeful Jeb Bush has released all of his emails. I'd like to release all of my emails. I've got nothing but emails about low-cost funerals and Viagra.

The European countries are really hoping to do well in the Olympics. If they win gold medals, they can use them as cash.