President Bush announced that the war in Iraq has been won. It's all over, it's been won. I believe this would be Bush's first uncontested victory.

Due to budget crunches, Bush has had to scale some of the programs. He has a new program, 'Leave A Couple of Kids Behind.'

It's disappointing when you finally get to meet someone you admire and he conducts himself as a jerk.

Congratulations to Ohio State, your new college football champions. Coach Urban Meyer may be the greatest football coach of all time. Don't confuse him with New York Mayor Bill de Blasio. That's urban quagmire.

Let's have some wine, go upstairs, and look at my money.

Did you see Howard Dean ranting and raving? Here's a little tip Howard - cut back on the Red Bull.

Here in New York City, it's cold. It's so cold the Republicans want to use the Keystone Pipeline to deliver soup.