The winner of the Westminster Dog Show gets to drink champagne - out of the toilet.

There is so much oil now in the Gulf of Mexico, and you can thank the folks of British Petroleum for this, so much oil in the Gulf, you can now park on it.

Did you hear this? They say now Osama bin Laden and his buddy Mullah Omar have left Afghanistan dressed as women. They dressed up as women and went across the border into Pakistan. I think they're going to make a movie about it. They're going to call it 'Some like it Jihad.'

Kim Jong Un's sister got married. That sounds like another Seth Rogen movie, doesn't it?

Critics of the Wall Street protesters claim that they have old ideas, nothing new, and they're never going to work. Wait a minute., that sounds like this show.

Keep in mind that your individual vote doesn't mean anything.

Do you know what I'm going to do when I retire? I hope to become the new face of Scientology.