I like Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy who comes with the picture frame.

Don't worry about me. I plan to continue to be in show business. I have already been booked to be in a production of 'The Sunshine Boys' with Jay Leno.

I just heard George W. Bush's new plan for airline security. From here on out, every plane will now have its own hockey dad.

I think the one thing I would point to as a primary reason, basically, is that I was a gigantic ass, ... It's the first time I got dumped in my life.

Yesterday was Election Day. If we have any Democrats in the audience, I'm sorry but you're going to have to give up your seats.

Because Utah is largely Mormon country, the firing squad's a little different. You're blindfolded but no cigarette.

According to the recent polls, Bush has a slight lead over John Kerry. So today, Bush hung a banner over the White House saying, 'Mission Accomplished.'