Trump says that if he's elected, he won't let the presidency interfere with the Miss Universe pageant.

One day you're the leader of Iraq, the next day you're being checked for fleas on Fox News.

President Bush announced he has a five-point strategy for getting out of Iraq. Points six through 10 will be handled by the Kerry administration.

You can email me, but I prefer letters that come through conventional mail. I like letters that have been licked by strangers.

We are starting to learn more about Osama bin Laden. For his birthday one year, somebody gave him a $4 Timex. We know that. He is married to the daughter of a guy named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I think her name is Tiffany Omar. Insiders say that the marriage is not working out. Apparently they are living in separate caves.

They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.'

Here's the plot of 'Interstellar.' Refugees - they're known as Democrats - they're looking for a new planet.