They found a cave once lived in by Osama bin Laden and the only thing in the cave were some boxer undershorts, and macaroni. I'm telling you, you add an old stack of Playboys, this could be my place. It's like I have a twin.

Obama said they've had some glitches with the Affordable Care website. I'll tell you something. If you order a pair of pants online and they send you the wrong color, that's a glitch. This is like a Carnival cruise, for God's sake!

Last Halloween I ran out of candy and I had to give the kids nicotine gum.

Arnold is now the front runner. Everyone was snickering about it a month ago, now it looks like he will be the next governor of California. He is so confident he has already chosen a body oil for the inauguration.

Hillary Clinton is campaigning in Iowa, virtually going door to door to every home in Iowa. Jehovah's Witnesses finally got fed up and said, 'Get lost. Get out of here!'

There was an embarrassing moment in the White House earlier today. They were looking around while searching for George Bush's military records. They actually found some old Al Gore ballots.

Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling ya, this guy is presidential material.