They found a cave once lived in by Osama bin Laden and the only thing in the cave were some boxer undershorts, and macaroni. I'm telling you, you add an old stack of Playboys, this could be my place. It's like I have a twin.

Presidential hopeful Jeb Bush has released all of his emails. I'd like to release all of my emails. I've got nothing but emails about low-cost funerals and Viagra.

Bill Murray is on the show tonight. Next week I'll be Goggling 'foods that improve prostate health.'

I know you're on the Atkins diet, but could you stop eating bacon during sex?

Trump says that if he's elected, he won't let the presidency interfere with the Miss Universe pageant.

Enron CEO Kenneth Lay has apparently just slipped across the border into Pakistan.

New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.