Hillary Clinton is driving across Iowa in a van. It's to get to know the people she'll never, ever see again in her life.

Hookers in Times Square, God bless 'em, are offering a Mitt Romney Special. For an extra $20 they'll change positions.

What a day. It's 53 and gloomy - like President Obama.

Economists believe there are three reasons why the Russian economy is doing so poorly. One, economic sanctions are working. Number two, low-price oil. And number three, Lindsay Lohan has quit drinking vodka.

Welcome to the program. My name is Dave Letterman, and tonight I'm giving my two-week notice.

It looks like President Bush will be handing over power to the Iraqis by June 30th. That's amazing and not only that, but it looks like he'll be handing over power to the Democrats by November 2nd.

President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.