The mayor of Sochi is now saying that there are no gay people in Sochi. So the only thing that is flaming over there now is the Olympic torch.

The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in 1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert.

President Bush wants to build a space station on the moon. And from the moon, he wants to launch people to Mars. You know what this means. He's been drinking again.

I don't know what they are protesting at Occupy Wall Street but I'm on their side. But 10,000 protestors and one Porta Potty?

Holyfield won the fight. It's not the first time Romney has been knocked out by a black guy.

Public service announcement: In case of a terrorist attack, bottled water and duct tape are not going to do a damn thing. So do what Homeland Security Dir. Tom Ridge does: Get really drunk, and pick up a hooker.

You probably heard about the big prisoner swap with Cuba. A man who has been incarcerated in Havana for five years is back home in the United States. And we sent them some prisoners. The deal still has to be approved by President Obama and Bud Selig.