Child labor, not a problem. Censorship, not a problem. Torture, not a problem. Chewing gum in China - oh, my God! You better not be over here chewing gum.

The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag

Welcome to the program. My name is Dave Letterman, and tonight I'm giving my two-week notice.

Pamela Anderson is a great dancer considering she can't see her feet.

The FCC has delayed the decision on the Time/Warner Comcast merger. So how do you think those folks like being put on hold?

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

It's tax season. When I woke this morning and realized it was tax season, I said, My God, didn't we just pay taxes last year?