Child labor, not a problem. Censorship, not a problem. Torture, not a problem. Chewing gum in China - oh, my God! You better not be over here chewing gum.

People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.

President Bush says he is looking forward to the testimony of Condoleezza Rice. Yes, he is very excited about Condoleezza Rice's testimony before Congress. Well, it makes perfect sense - he wants to know what was going on, too.

President Obama went to India, South Korea, then Japan. He's going to keep travelling until he finds his birth certificate.

Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.

Tim Tebow has been on the bench longer than Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.