I don't like jokes about sex or bodily functions or drug use or the difference between New York and L.A. I never do any of that.
David LettermanWhen we started the show, there were mixed responses. Half of the people said, 'That show doesn't have a chance.' The other half said, 'That show doesn't have a prayer.'
David LettermanApparently, there's something hinky about the new iPhones. They're not hooked up right. ... There's a problem with the antenna. They don't like to be held - like my ex-wife.
David LettermanGod forbid I should be the last one to criticize, but I think may be Howard Dean has a bit of a problem because earlier today during a debate in New Hampshire, he bit off Joe Lieberman's ear.
David Letterman