President Obama and his wife are going to Kenya. Donald Trump said, 'While you're there, pick up your birth certificate.'

I know you're on the Atkins diet, but could you stop eating bacon during sex?

Moammar Gadhafi was found hiding in a storm sewer with a gold-plated gun. That's me in retirement, ladies and gentlemen.

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.

Today is tax day. A lot of people are hoping they get refunds. And that's just the folks here in the audience.

In Hollywood, Oscar is king.

There are so many flavors of Coke now - Coke with lemon, Coke with vanilla, Coke with lime, Cherry Coke, and they've just brought out another new flavor - Coke with Pepsi.