President Obama and his wife are going to Kenya. Donald Trump said, 'While you're there, pick up your birth certificate.'

One day you're the leader of Iraq, the next day you're being checked for fleas on Fox News.

So they caught Gadhafi in a storm sewer and shot him. Or as they call it in the Middle East, an orderly transfer of power.

I don't like jokes about sex or bodily functions or drug use or the difference between New York and L.A. I never do any of that.

How about those Olympics, ladies and gentlemen. Didn't London look like the place to be? New York City was in the running for this Olympics. But here's what happened. We got outbribed.

Any online gamblers here? Well, Congress is looking in shutting that down.There's going to be a massive congressional investigation of online gambling and they're going to shut it down. And when they get done with that, they're going to look into this North Korean thing.

Today coming to work, I saw one of those only in New York scenes. It was a rat who had passed out after choking on a pretzel.