President Obama and his wife are going to Kenya. Donald Trump said, 'While you're there, pick up your birth certificate.'

Mayor de Blasio said that whenever he goes to a Yankee game he gets sick and tired of people booing and giving him the finger. Hey, what do you want? You're the mayor of New York City. It comes with the gig, pal.

Do you remember the good ol' days when Congress was only unsafe if you were an intern.

John Kerry had surgery on his right shoulder this week to repair some damage. It was pretty bad, he had no feeling. It was almost like he was a Republican.

I don't like stand-up comedy that requires a lot of props. I really respect people who can walk out onstage alone and with no other tool but their own minds and can make you laugh and maybe even think a little.

Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of the United States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family.

So they caught Gadhafi in a storm sewer and shot him. Or as they call it in the Middle East, an orderly transfer of power.