Hillary Clinton is driving across Iowa in a van. It's to get to know the people she'll never, ever see again in her life.
David LettermanThe Bush campaign for re-election has officially begun. They're actually running television commercials. Have you seen any of the television commercials? In one of the commercials, you see George Bush for thirty seconds. In another commercial, you get to see George Bush for sixty seconds - kind of like his stint in the National Guard.
David LettermanBecause Utah is largely Mormon country, the firing squad's a little different. You're blindfolded but no cigarette.
David LettermanThe European countries are really hoping to do well in the Olympics. If they win gold medals, they can use them as cash.
David LettermanRick Perry is now saying he thinks that Barack Obama's birth certificate is fake. I think Perry may have faked his driver's license.
David LettermanThe issue of gay marriage has reached the Supreme Court and observers are analyzing every detail to predict how each justice will vote. Experts say Chief Justice John Roberts is likely to rule in favor of gay marriage based on the fact that he spent Tuesday's hearings watching the Tony Award nominations.
David Letterman