President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Hillary's trying to appear downhome. Earlier today she was sitting on the front porch of a general store whittling a pantsuit.

President Obama is in China. Also in China is evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. They're both in China at the same time. It's like running into your ex-girlfriend on vacation.

The FCC has delayed the decision on the Time/Warner Comcast merger. So how do you think those folks like being put on hold?

That's the first thing they teach you in bowling, by the way. Don't press the ball against your nose. The other one is don't lick the pins.

John Walker, while he was in Afghanistan, told people his goal was to have four wives. ... Do we need any further proof that this guy is out of his mind? Four wives? That's how al Qaeda gets you to become a suicide bomber.

Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling ya, this guy is presidential material.