I'd tried to straighten him out, but there's only so much you can do for a person who thinks Auschwitz is a brand of beer.

there's a reason regular people don't appear on TV: we're boring.

Cover your glass in France or Germany --even worse, in England - and in the voice of someone who has personally affronted, your host will ask why you're not drinking. 'Oh, I just don't feel like it this morning.' 'Why not?' 'I guess I'm not in the mood?' 'Well, this'll put you in the mood. Here. Drink up.' 'No, really, I'm OK.' 'Just taste it.' 'Actually, I'm sort of...well, I sort of have a problem with it.' 'Then how about half a glass?

They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity.

It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America.

This was the consequence of seeing too much and understanding the horrible truth: No one is safe. The world is not manageable.

To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news.