I can see getting married and having a family, because it is the next thing on the agenda. You can only do this for so long. I'm old, and my friends all have kids. And I'm single, still blow drying my hair!

You know the drill. 18 is legal. 17 with consent. 16 with a note. 15 if her dad's in the room. Low five!

I never have kids in movies or in TV shows.

When I'm interviewed on Leno, just be funny, period. That's all they want from me. I don't want to tell my life story.

I talk to my dad all the time, he's more like my buddy than my father, and he's not happy that I use him in my act. But I tell him, I have to get something out of this.

In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.

I think the chances are better of me putting Super Unleaded into a rented car.