I got into stand-up to get on a sitcom.

I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder.

Staying in a hotel this time. They put me up in a little bit of a shithole. Yeah. Just this side of rinky dink. The first 7 floors are a homeless shelter, but I'm on 8.

It's just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I'm sure I will, but I'm just trying to postpone it.

Horrible date all through high school and college. Here's an impression of me on a date in high school. Come on, chug it!

I started doing the star turn and making a profit off it. Now I'm kind of one of them.

I'm scared of slipping up, of just doing a joke that makes me laugh.