When I flew from Orlando to Los Angeles in 1960, I sat next to a guy from Disney who was paying 75¢ an acre for land. I thought he was some special kind of fool - and since they built the park, history has proven there was a fool sitting in one of our seats.

When I was a teenager, I was so dumb my mamma knocked me off the porch with a broom. You wish you had so good a mamma.

Memory is what you did. Life is what you're doing.

And so now you think society is to blame for the mess you made of yourself?

If you feel like you want to die, it's time to sit down and make a list of all the things you haven't done yet.

You take all the offensive linemen and put them in a burlap bag, and then you take a baseball bat and beat on the bag. You’re sacking them. You’re bagging them. And that’s what you’re doing with a quarterback.

How can you possibly be sympathetic to every fool on the planet? Just the other day, I heard a man whining about his hopeless love of cross-dressing. Call me unenlightened, but I started to laugh.