There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does.

Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America...and that's why his last wife left him.

We try to find chemistry; we don't do a lot of situational baseball.

Return to me, for my heart wants you only. Hurry home, hurry home, won't you please hurry home to my heart.

When your opponent's sittin' there holdin' all the aces, there's only one thing to do: kick over the table.

I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.

The reason I drink is because when I'm sober I think I'm Eddie Fisher.