Brother, you can't go to jail for what you're thinking, or that look in your eye, just standing on the corner watching all the girls go by.

I take the juice of two bottles of whisky.

If this is just the beginning, my life's gonna be beautiful.

Haven't got a girl, but I can wish. So I'll take me down to Main Street and that's where I'll select my imaginary dish.

Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America...and that's why his last wife left him.

I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.

In order to share intimate feelings, you have to have intimate feelings.