Motivation is a lotta crap.

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show business. Hard work, perseverance, and discipline: all the things you need...when you have no talent.

When your opponent's sittin' there holdin' all the aces, there's only one thing to do: kick over the table.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,' 'goodbye,' and 'I'm pregnant.'

In a tuxedo, I'm a star. In regular clothes, I'm a nobody.

The whole world is drunk and we're just the cocktail of the moment. Someday soon, the world will wake up, down two aspirin with a glass of tomato juice, and wonder what the hell all the fuss was about.