My nieces and my nephews think the only thing that I do is 'Ice Age.' That's fine with me because pretty soon they'll grow up enough to realize that I suck or that my time has passed, whichever it might be.

I really, really like 'Eastbound & Down.' It's one of the few things that makes me laugh.

Peter Falk and Denis Leary today walked into a Starbucks and shot 27 people, without any announcement whatsoever.

Sin is in, and so we begin.

If you're over 52 years old and you're on Facebook, do us all a favor and log off now.

I'm not saying being a comedian is brain surgery, but it is definitely - it's like being a carpenter. You learn how to make tables and chairs. You have to have the right tools, and you have to know how to put the thing together, right?

Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.