My nieces and my nephews think the only thing that I do is 'Ice Age.' That's fine with me because pretty soon they'll grow up enough to realize that I suck or that my time has passed, whichever it might be.

We drink and we die and continue to drink.

How many whales do we really need? I figure five. One for each ocean.

The best pitch I ever heard about cocaine was back in the early eighties when a street dealer followed me down the sidewalk going: I got some great blow man. I got the stuff that killed Belushi.

Sometimes I park in handicap spaces while handicapped people make handicapped faces.

I can't text. My fingers are too big.

There's not going to be a 'Rescue Me' movie. Not a chance.